Today, I set out to accomplish a few goals. These goals were quite simple: read books, don’t work, and work out. After having a good conversation with my Mom (have you told your Mom you love her, lately?) she suggested I take at least a day or two off from working. While I managed to squeeze in a few tiny projects, I spent most of the day reading on the couch and thinking about this stage of my life.
I finished the book To Own A Dragon: Reflections On Growing Up Without A Father by Donald Miller. It’s been on my to-read list for almost two years. And it was finally time to finish the book. I’m glad I did. Donald painted a reasonably decent picture on the inner pains that happen when one doesn’t have a father to look up to, while also re-connecting the dots between our relationship with G-d as our true Heavenly Father.
What I walked away with that most strongly impacted me was his reconstruction of Matthew chapter 5 and 6. He related it not so much as a “do this and that” from Christ, but as a loving method of trust Christ imparted to us, in that our Heavenly Father is good on His word to take care of us and free us from worry; any worry we experience can only be blamed on ourselves.
Now, for somebody who does not have a living earthly father, one might assume this read was sad and heartbreaking for me. Instead, I found it to be redemptive and liberating. For the first time in a long while, I discovered something new about our relationship with our Heavenly Father, and learned that many of my inner aches and pains were things that I’ve selfishly held on to instead of releasing them to G-d.
Yes, there are deep hurts in me that happen as a result of not having a living father. However, I have to say that the experience of his passing away was something that crafted me into a better man, son, brother, and follower of Christ. For that, I am thankful.
Perhaps you are in need of encouragement, or have wondered what the dynamic is supposed to look like between yourself and your Heavenly Father. I would encourage you to stop looking at Him in dictatorial way, and instead try to see Him as the loving being that He is.
Every speck of you, even the part of your brain that is critical and bitter towards Him, He created. You weren’t a mistake, nor were the hardships you’re going through right now an accident. He is more aware of your circumstances, pain, and frustration than even you are. And He is willing to carry you right through it.
This is for you.