Abba

Every night before he falls asleep, I whisper four things into Atlas’ ear:

“You’re a good boy. I love you. I’m proud of you. I love being your Dad.”

Why do I do this? Because these are the words I want him to hear, know and believe as he’s falling asleep, and they’re words very few men ever grow up remembering hearing from their Dad. In many cases, men grow up with a void in their hearts because they never had these types of affirmations from their Dad.

Society has done an incredible job at failing to paint an accurate picture of what masculinity ought to be – just as it has done for femininity – creating a caricature of either side, rather than an appropriate picture of what either gender should aspire to embody.

This evening, I went to the gas station to fill up the tank in our XC90; explaining to Atlas the importance of always having a full gas tank, in the event of an emergency. After he pumped the gas (something he loves doing) we walked inside so that he could pick out a treat from the mini-mart inside.

As we were checking out, Atlas asked: “Dad, can I go pick out a car?” while pointing to the small display unit of miniature exotic cars by the entrance.

“Sure, Atlas. Let’s go pick one out together.” I responded.

When we got back to the counter, Atlas put the car on the counter and turned around to give me a big hug, telling me “I love you”.

Then, the store clerk said something that stopped me in my tracks.

“Hey man, I just wanted to tell you what a blessing it is to see how you show up for your son. It’s so important for him to have a Dad like you.”

He didn’t know how much of an impact his words had on me, or the mark they left on Atlas. As we walked out of the store, Atlas happily walked to the car as I held his hand.

While there are many moments that I struggle in my journey as a single Dad, there are an abundance of golden moments like the ones he and I shared this evening, where I remember the true joy of Fatherhood. In many ways, it’s akin to the feeling of satisfaction you get when you finish cutting the grass; you’re more tired than when you began, but feel a wave of satisfaction in knowing that you put in the work to make the world around you a better place.

This road hasn’t been easy. If I had to use a living metaphor for how the last six years of my life have been, it would look something like standing in the doorway to look and smile at Atlas, while a vicious rabid dog claws and tears into my backside as my body blocks the mad dog from tearing into him – while Atlas has no idea what’s happening on the other side of my body.

In spite of the proverbial ‘mad dog’, I’m thankful that God has given me strength, courage and patience to traverse each day as it comes, finding new ways to show Atlas love, affection and attention.

I once heard a pastor talk about a wildlife photographer that once captured the aftermath of a wildfire; stopping to take pictures of the scorched earth and wildlife that fell in harms way. As they were snapping pictures, they looked down and saw the burnt body of a bird. Hearing something beneath the body, they moved it aside and saw something miraculous beneath the burnt wings; a small brood of chicks.

The bird had covered its chicks with its wings, saving them from the scorching heat and fires that sweapt over the land. Because of its sacrifice, its offspring were still alive.

For many single parents, this is a story that will strike home. There are many moments where one parent shields their child[ren] from the vicous flames around them; protecting them from getting burnt with the the protection of their wings.

I’ve never met a single parent that looks at the time they’ve had with their children and can say “It didn’t go fast enough.” Rather, every single parent I’ve ever talked to has told me the same thing:

“It goes too fast.”

While it’s impossible to stop the sand from falling down the hourglass of time spent with your children, there are certainly things you can do to appreciate and savor each granule as it falls; being present, patient and calm in each moment instead of racing to the next one, for example.

What do children need? Time. Love. Attention. Care. These things aren’t expensive; rather, they’re a free gift to offer your children that will cost you everything, and will be the best investment you’ve ever made.