Confirmation. Validation. Cancellation. Life.
When I returned from Asia, I originally planned on there being some semblance of newfound peace and revelation at what I learned while being overseas. Last night, I lay in bed until dawn, eyes wide open, discovering that I have instead found a new definition of the term “lost”. Lacking answers and solutions to the current problems I am faced with, with no clear direction of how to fix them.
Questioning whether or not I have lost my faith, or only beginning to discover it. Escaping reality or simply beginning to feel its’ harsh bite?
I’ve ran endless circles that have led nowhere. Pursuit of relationships that were never possible in this world. Dreams that seemed possible are now far off and seem ridiculous.
“Behind every realist is a failed optimist”
The circles of hell begin to open up when you realize they don’t exist. They swallow you up, keep you awake late at night, and make you realize that hell is a place that exists during your lifetime – not after you die.
One can’t help but begin to despise the institutions, individuals, and systems that exist for the sole purpose of controlling others, with suffering and angst waiting anybody strong enough to leave. “I’m doing this because I love you” is one of the most contradictory statements one could ever hear.