How were

‘I could tell you my adventures—beginning from this morning,’ said Alice a little timidly: ‘but it’s no use going back to yesterday, because I was a different person then.’

I could tell you of my adventures — this morning….. — but I wasn’t quite myself then. In fact, I may have been myself but not thinking in the same state of mind as I am here now. Thus, our journey and adventure of life will never, ever get dull.

Talking to loved ones, it strikes me just how much older we’re all getting. Looking past the upcoming gray hairs, impending wrinkles, and ill-fated disease we’re likely to face in our family, I can’t help but feel deeply rich in memories, love, and a family that truly supports itself and each other.

When all of our possessions, accomplishments, and bank accounts are removed from the equation of life, what are we left with? Relationships. Those we love. Those who love us.

It hurts my very being to look at my own family and have to bear the weight of the memories that come from many years of tension, fighting, and a disconnect between what-we-thought-love-was versus what-love-actually-is-and-means.

I don’t want to live this way anymore. I don’t.

I want to know that when the bell rings and I return to my corner, that those closest to me will be there with a ready and waiting hand; ready to patch, heal, advise, cut, and help me see things from their perspective that wasn’t visible to me in my fight.

When I think about the people who I would most want in this proverbial corner, it becomes quite clear to me who my priorities are and where my heart is at.

It seems as if nothing feels quite so natural as to fight and argue with family. Yet, it’s the furthest cry of love that we ought to ever see.

It seems as if saying “see you soon” to a younger sister/brother, as they leave from visiting your city, would be something easy to say. However, it felt like my soul was ripped out of me to say goodbye to Julia and Joshua when they left from visiting me. Walking through DFW airport and wearing sunglasses to keep the air from releasing the stream of tears that welled under my eyes.

It’s in this moment of seemingly-turbulent emotion that I find my place of clarity.

With the rapturous love that swells within my chest, I realize just how silly and petty the arguments are that have taken turns dividing our family.

“I want things to be right” my mind repeats to itself.

Featured Image From Deviantart

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