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Angus Dei


One of the things I’ve learned this year is that it’s possible to live the life you’ve dreamed of – with a big, huge asterisk next to ‘possible’.

Perspective counts for an awful lot in life. When you’re on the 100th floor of a skyscraper, it makes a huge difference if you’re standing inside the walls, or precariously perched on the outside of a building. I’ve spent a lot of my life feeling like I’m dangling by a rope outside of the building, instead of remembering that my feet are solidly planted inside – and always have been.

I’ve wasted a lot of time in my life wondering why I’m not ‘there’ instead of where I’m at. I felt like a failure for not arriving at certain checkpoints of life. Namely, net worth, assets and a happy marriage. This year, I’ve begun to see that I’m on a clear path to all of these things, even if I can’t see them yet, because the path I’m walking is one where my priorities are right and my time is being spent wisely.

There was once a time where I’d go to the gym for no reason other than the fact that I loved to lift heavy weights and watch my muscles grow. When I started partying, I stopped working out. It’s been years since I’ve been drunk and approaching 8 months of being free from smoking weed, and I’ve never felt more relief that these chains are broken after the decade-plus grip they had on my life, mind and body.

When I started going back to church, it was originally because I felt pulled to have some sort of community for Atlas. It wasn’t personal or inherently for me. That changed when I saw church for what it is, what it was supposed to be and what it finally means to me after a painful return back home to a relationship with God.

There were several key people in the church that made an impact on my life in a meaningful way, and continue to. One man there takes me out to lunch every few weeks and shares his life wisdom, spiritual revelations and findings with me. During our last lunch together, he shared with me that he’s observed me coming out of my reclusive shell and engaging more with others. He was right. These days, not a day goes by where I’m not out and about in the local community, connecting with others, or even finding ways of giving back to the community through teaching and mentoring others.

A lot of life can be boiled down to the choices you make, which have a direct outcome on the life you experience as you navigate towards your eventual death. Lately, I’ve been taking inventory of my time, the way I spend it and choosing to invest those seconds in things that feed my soul, make me a better Dad and contribute to the betterment of others.

It blew my mind how quickly things turned around for me when I started making better choices. In many ways, I was making good choices. Some choices were great. Yet, I wasn’t making the best choices when my time, focus and mind.

Good. Great. Best.

The ‘best’ outcome for life seems to be hidden behind a lot of choices that require acts of faith. Tithing, for example, was something I recently started doing when I woke up one morning and felt a strong conviction that it was time to start contributing financially to the church community which has invested so much in me. This act is the only thing mentioned in the Bible that God asks us to test Him on.

I prayed about it. I asked God if the word was true, and I felt like I heard a very clear answer that not only could I trust Him, but that great things would begin to happen if I surrendered that money. Less than two hours after I began giving, incredible things began to happen in my life that aren’t meant to be shared on this blog.

Was it God moving? Yes. In a way that was personal, recognizable and meaningful to me in a way that I can’t deny.

I don’t know what the future holds, but I do know one thing; I can trust that God has a plan for me which is far greater than anything I’ve ever planned or hoped for. I can trust that Peace, Love and Joy will always have a seat at the dinner table, and that there’s somebody incredible out there who is preparing her heart to meet mine, who will love, honor, respect and cherish me and show Atlas a beautiful picture of what the BEST relationship looks like.

For years now, I’ve wrestled with the scenario surrounding being a single Dad and wondered how and when the broken pieces of my heart will be healed. I’ve realized that it’s important for Atlas to see his Dad respected, and that it’s even more important for him to be loved by a woman that loves him like her own child – even if he isn’t biologically hers.

My heart is something I’ve also decided to surrender to God. Instead of insisting that things work out a certain way, or with a certain woman, I’ve decided to give it to God, because I know that there’s a future romance for me far greater than anything I could ever dream of, write about or even attract of my own accord.

I see things differently these days. After so many years of living out of my own mind, choices and belief system, I’ve never felt more peace and joy than the life I have now that I’ve decided to walk uprightly and be a good steward with the talents God has given me.

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