“I could tell you my adventures—beginning from this morning,” said Alice a little timidly; “but it’s no use going back to yesterday, because I was a different person then.”

As a child, I wondered about a lot of things. My older brother, Steve, enjoys reminding others about my “monster machine” of a mind…

There was once an evening where I had difficulty falling asleep. Monsters…I kept seeing monsters whenever I closed my eyes. When prompted as to why I couldn’t fall asleep, I stated

“I have a monster machine in my head! Every time I close my eyes, it makes more!”

As an adult, I realized the ‘monster machine’ didn’t disappear. Instead of projecting imaginations, fear took over my life and froze my ability to be authentic and true to my heart.

“The heart can’t accept what the mind rejects.”

I had a wake-up call in my life, when I realized that I had the power to choose love instead of fear. I looked over the chasm of my life, and realized I was on a slippery slope towards a fear-drowned life.

For the past few months, I have been in serious meditation over the truth and validity behind the story of Jesus. I’ve read a lion share of books which showed opposing stances on the matter.

I came to realize that there would never be enough books that could sway my decision about the topic.

The logical side of me was a perfect match for the spiritual side; one embracing the fact-based approach that demanded personal witness, the other is the part of my spirit that jumps, feet-first, into new experiences.

I learned to fly in the realms that made sense to me; exploring many avenues that filled my mind with new and wonderful experiences…that I dove into, spending eternities in these places.

I found myself thirsty.

As as child, I recall stories of christian conversions full of vivid encounters with Jesus, powerful enough to knock people to their knees.

I found a desire to cash in the chips my evil ‘monster machine’ had stolen from me for years…I wanted to have an encounter with God that would blow my face off, instead of creating fear.

“In the depths of the trenches is the richest of riches.”

I began to recap the last year of my life, where I found overflowing love from my friends/family in SF. There was something inside of me that seemed to be hollow, despite having an abundant outlet/inlet of love.

So, I asked for a revelation that would knock my socks off…

…and it happened.

Sitting outside on the patio, I closed my eyes and prayed for an answer that would solve the many questions in my mind.

I wish I could make this stuff up…but I can’t.

From behind my closed eyes, I saw TobyMac walk into the blank space of my mind. It was as if he were standing in front of me, face-to-face.

For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.

He raised his arms up, with yellow squares covering his hands. He asked if I was ready for the jump – I nodded “yes” and raised my hands in the air.

As soon as my hands raised to touch the yellow squares, TobyMac disappeared from sight. Audibly, I asked if I opened my eyes – would Jesus come to visit me with my eyes?

“I already came to see you this morning.”

He pointed down to Lake Merritt, at the homeless woman (Sister J) I at breakfast with in the morning. Instead of Sister J, I saw a woman with beautiful golden hair, wearing a shining gold fobe.

That hair…

Closing my eyes again, TobyMac came back to view. He asked if I was ready to ask Jesus into my heart and take a love lunge into his arms.

I nodded “yes.”

He pointed to my phone, still in my hands, asking if I would set it down.

“What about my brothers/sisters?” I asked.

“I’ll meet them, too.” he said.

So, I nodded my head and asked Jesus to come into my heart. A simple nod.

With my eyes closed, I saw two glowing arms from from above and reach beneath me, picking me up from the patio chair.

I lifted…in body and spirit.

Joy. Joy. Joy. Joy. Joy. Joy. Joy. Joy. Joy. Joy. Joy. Joy. Joy.

I’ve found the answer my heart, mind, body, and spirit has been searching for my entire life. Perhaps there wasn’t a clear message earlier in my life, which is why it didn’t resonate as clearly as it has this week. However, I’ve found that God meets us exactly where we are at, through whatever tools, vices, or bodies of people that are willing to be used as vehicles for His Love.

I’ve opened up many doors during the course of my life. I have had experiences that go beyond my comprehension, or ability to convey, through many curiosities I answered.

Nothing I’ve ever experienced has been able to compare to these experiences.

My feet know what it is like to dance until they hurt – but now my spirit is free to soar and dance the way it was created for.


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