Ain’t Worried

As a Dad, I now appreciate one of the things my Mom used to refer to as ‘music’. In this case, she meant the sound of the dishwasher running.

After a full day, it feels incredible to sit down on my couch and appreciate the joy of a clean house while I listen to the beautiful symphony my Maytag is making…

These days, I feel a new corner is emerging in my life. During times like this, I start to appreciate new things about my life and where I’ve found myself – back in Texas. It feels like only yesterday that I said “so long” to this state, and I now find myself a very-permanent resident, once again.

Ever since coming back, I’ve been wrestling a lot with my own revelation that certain dreams in my life aren’t going to happen the way I hoped they would. However, I’ve discovered incredible joy in realizing that my son can grow up in a home where he’s loved, respected and gets to spend time doing engaging things instead of being glued to the TV.

Being a parent is one of the most incredible opportunities to give somebody your best. I see in my son a better future if I invest my own life in raising him well, educating him and teaching him how to love and respect others by setting the example for him to follow.

I’ve grown a lot this year as a person. I say that now because I’m starting to recognize the growth I’ve made despite some really difficult circumstances life threw my way. Well, I didn’t let them get me down…and I’m a better man.

It’s a difficult thing to be a self-employed entrepreneur. There are a lot of variations of this archetype, but I find there are a lot of similarities in our spirit.

One common thread I see in entrepreneurs is a lack of feedback for their work. Thus, they never really know whether what they’re doing is good enough or not…and the result can be especially maddening. I spent years battling this as an entrepreneur, which was really just a reflection of my own difficulty in feeling like I’m good enough as a human being.

I can’t tell you the number of abusive scenario’s I’ve found myself in, simply because I didn’t realize I was worth more than the abuse I lined up for. From client phone calls on New Years Eve (while missing a hot date…) to being called a f****t hundreds of times in an abusive relationship and having to run away from household objects being thrown at me. In many ways, I was the problem in those scenarios. I was the problem because I accepted the abuse. However, I think you can reach a certain point in your life where you realize enough is enough and that something needs to change.

This year, I found the solution to my problem through my own journey into my pain. I returned to Dallas feeling completely beaten, alone, and without a lot of hope or joy. Those months were some of the most painful and difficult moments in my entire life.

I wrestled…a lot. I wrestled with being a single Dad and not having any help in the care of my son. Even simple things like going to the bathroom became much more complicated with the inclusion of a child that needs your undivided attention and you don’t have an extra set of hands to hold them. Ever.

There were a lot of moments where I found myself talking to God. Sometimes begging for help, while other times asking the big question “Why?”

I can tell you without hesitation that these prayers were answered. Sometimes it was a phone call, other times it was meeting a new friend out on the town, the circumstances seemed as if they were continuing to improve the more I leaned into my pain and accepted the circumstances I faced.

I’ve faced a lot of things this year by myself. From moving pianos up and down flights of stairs to finding out ways to give Atlas a bath without him screaming when he gets rinsed off, my life has felt like a chess game where I’m playing both sides of the board.

When you’re playing both sides of the board, eventually you figure out that you get to make the rules…

 

 

 

 

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

Contact us

Give us a call or fill in the form below and we'll contact you. We endeavor to answer all inquiries within 24 hours on business days.




    Wishlist 0
    Continue Shopping