Love Tainted

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There’s a growing fear in me that my ability to motivate others is not nearly strong enough to motivate the most difficult person to motivate; myself. It’s very easy to encourage others to spring forward with action. What I fear most is that my life will be nothing more than a propeller of others, with myself standing on the sidelines and watching others succeed. A world apart from the success of others, living in the constant echo of “it could have been you”. Sounds like hell. Sometimes you need to scare yourself into reality.

Approaching the upcoming quarter at Ohio State, I am thinking about all of the things that will present themselves as challenges. See, it’s more than just academics that happen at a university; life happens on a daily basis. Can we succeed or fail?

Recent happenings have made me shudder as I’ve encountered opposition with those who I love most, while realizing the frailty I possess when it comes to quick forgiveness and the calming of my mind. Reasonable cause will never justify unreasonable reactions. There’s no doubt I’d give a kidney for members of my family. However, there are times where I have a hard time living peacefully with them, as I have yet to manage and control my ego, pride, and internal scorecard of wrongdoings.

I’ve got to think of another word for “however”.

It’s really easy for me to look at the past and wonder how I would do things differently. What needs to be done is utilizing this same mentality with the present/future. What am I doing right? Am I doing what needs to be done? Who is Aaron Plaat? It’s unacceptable to spit a big game and not deliver. That makes one a professional liar. I’m not a liar. I’m a liar. Not. Proof’s in the puddin’, sugar.

School is starting. Life is happening. God is in control.


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