Inn Hour


In the bible, we are told we will not encounter trials that we are not capable of handling; we will not be faced with situations where we are determined to meet a bitter end because we are truly incapable of walking through that situation and accomplishing victory. That being said, we can never step into greater trials if we do not overcome the small ones. We will never climb our mountains when we quit on the foot-trail leading to them.

I’ve spent quite a bit of time discussing the attributes and characteristics of the warrior in the arena. The champion who’s never been beat will never assume he cannot be defeated. Rather, he fights for his life with every attack and parry. Every thrust of the sword is a fight for survival, rather than a show of victory. The victory is not gained until the enemy has been relieved of the life he failed to defend properly. Glory.

This week, I encountered a roller coaster of thought, emotion, and choices that demanded action. In such a short period of time, I experienced enough feelings to last me a solid year. This ultra-intensified experience has been a monumental period of my life. Pressure makes the diamond. Fire refines gold. And the oven makes delicious cookies. How then can we be upset when we go through trials and afflictions?

Inside, I’ve been severely wrestling with the christian faith I was raised with; not in the faith, itself, but in the delivery mechanism my parents and others used to raise their child. Did they do things wrong? Absolutely. Is the modern day charismatic movement a happening that has never occurred before in history, thus creating a modern day frankenstein with its children? Absolutely.

Growing up, I wasn’t a bad kid. I wasn’t a rebellious teenager who was full of the devil. Come to think of it, none of the people I know or were raised with were the devil incarnate as their parents described them. “*Name* you are the DEVIL!!!” I watched as a parent screamed to her child, my best friend as a teenager. We weren’t the devil. We were teenagers who were struggling with the concept of growing up, just like every child ought to. Our disagreements with our parents may not have always been profitable. However, when my child comes to a point where they are capable of disagreeing with me, I will be happy to know they are well on their way to achieving free thought.

My conclusion with all of this is that the past may not have been perfect, but it happened. If it was necessary for me to get one week out of my system where I could appropriately reflect on the poor circumstances of past, rather than a lifetime of recovery, so be it. All of the anger, bitterness, and angst that I felt are not to be counted as vain. In fact, I’m glad to have experienced these moments.

While it’s raining outside, I feel as if there’s a new sunset for my life. The future is uncertain, outcome unsure, and I have no idea what this year will hold in store for me. But I am filled with peace that just as events of past, no matter how horrible, can be brought to a reasonable resting place, so will my future have a bright outlook. I have been blessed with a heart, mind, and spirit that has been capable of taking a broken life and fixing it into something that is capable of functioning now. The tires are now on the Ferrari. Let’s drive.

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