Halt

Perspective is everything. Perception is reality. And sometimes the reality you are in is not perfect. That being said, you must ask yourself whether or not it is possible to position yourself to a new reality worth living in. If you don’t like the way your life is going, it can be the scariest (or most liberating) thought in the world to believe that you can change your circumstances.

This being said, I am not happy with my circumstances. I’m on the verge of having a lifestyle I want very much, yet feel so far from who I want to be that I often wonder whether or not I’m pursuing the right white rabbit. Down the hole we go.

We define our own reality. We create our own circumstances and must pay the price for our choices, good and bad, ugly or nice, we have no excuses for who it is that we are becoming. At the end of the day, we must know – not just fear – that we are the ones who pen our circumstances. Every action, choice, failure, success, and want is carefully crafted in some portion of our minds before it reaches fruition.

In our society, we have been taught to protest the outcomes of our actions, rather than the actions and thoughts leading up to them. Abortion clinics are picketed, weight loss products developed, and excuses/lies form at an alarming rate. We protest “end of life care” options for our senior citizens; plans allowing for a graceful departure from this world. And yet we do not protest “life ending meals” at McDonalds, Burger King, and Kentucky Fried Chicken. We live in a world that cheers the elimination of trans fat from our burgers, yet misses the point that we are still killing ourself.

Actions speak much louder than words, friend.

I’ve developed a matured sense of inner self-loathing at who I have become. It’s in a matured state because I have come to the realization that A.) I am the one who pens my reality. And B.) I know better. In this respect, it’s quite possible to be “too hard” on oneself. However, I do not believe it is being unreasonable if this self-loathing can propel oneself to ultimate betterment and personal fulfillment.

One cannot be against the inner self-loathing and also accept the circumstances that helped lead to it. See, it is the moments where one sees the proverbial other side of the mountain that this inner-loathing is developed. These glorious moments where perfection is reached, even if only for but a short moment in time. From a large paycheck, heavy lift, to mind-blowing sex, one cannot reach new heights without developing a craving to have these moments once again. In many of these respects, I have seen the mountain…

Friend, I have seen the mountain. And I long to climb it fully. I have seen the fruitful abundance of hard work and dedication. I have tasted the euphoria that comes with small successes…and I long for the big, fat kill. I long for the risk in the hunt, the excitement of uncertainty, and the ultimate thrill of the kill. Glory, baby. Can you taste it? I have and I will. The question isn’t who’s going to let me, but who is going to stop me?

Many years ago, I drove through country roads with the discovery that I wanted “it all” and I remember the passion that stirred from those moments of excitement. It was such an intense moment that fueled many nights of uncertainty, failures, and difficult circumstances. The bright discovery that it is, in fact, possible to obtain success and victory has propelled many dark nights where uncertainty plagued every possible path.

I have been re-fueled for the fight. And I am headed back to the arena to pursue the fulfillment of my dreams, desires, and passions. No excuses, just results. No shame, only confidence. Time to once again to introduce others as to who I am. Be the best.

Aaron, it’s time.

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