Caddilac dream

One of the things I’ve recently been pondering is just how much is that we become my parents children as we grow older. We really do pick up the “Sins of our fathers “as we grow older. From scheduling my first visit to the orthodontist to purchasing health insurance for myself and making sure that I love to see my 50s, I’m finding that there are a lot of loose pieces left my childhood that I have to put together as I get older.

i’m not bitter about these things, but I wish a lot of them have been done or taken care of when I was much younger. For example, the process of getting your orthodontics taking care of it’s much more difficult as you get older than when you’re in your childhood. It’s especially frustrating to think that many of these little odds and ends that should’ve been done as a child for me when not done and they could have been if my parents didn’t tithe to their local church.

my parents got “God’s blessing”

Samuel Farina got a Cadillac

I got crooked teeth.

however, this is just one of many examples of items that I find myself taking care of as I’m maturing into adulthood and being self-sufficient. I actually find the process to be very enjoyable. One of my not so hidden Joyes is one guests come over to my place and comment on how well it’s decorated or how nice the places.

Note: the above in italics was inserted via iPhone voice-to-text. Back to normal…

As somebody who takes prescription medication in order to assist with my concentration, I know the benefit – as well as the damage – that pharmaceutical dependency can have on ones life. That being said, I’m also familiar with the dependency that can be found in elements such as religion. It can often take the place of real-world-experience-situations that require real solutions, rather than religious foolishness – which can lead to death.

As I’m having to deal with broken situations from my childhood, such as financial mismanagement, in the form of putting money in the hands of cadillac-driving pastors, rather than paying for our families healthcare, I have a very hard time not letting the anger overwhelm me. Had routine medical exams been a norm in our fam- maybe I’d still have a father to call and share conversations with.

Perhaps he would visit Dallas (all things staying constant) and sit in my living room. He would probably recognize half of the furniture I have from the magazines he would read. He would know every spec behind the new speakers that arrive this week, and help me figure out how to wire them (I have no idea how to bi-wire speakers) and tune them with the digital audio measuring device I pinched pennies in order to purchase for one of this birthdays. He could help me set up a wireless home network and maximize the speed from my router, something I’ve never learned how to do.

This Spring, he and I could sit on my terrace and finally share that beer we never had. He’d lounge and relax, finally sleeping in a Pawley’s Island hammock while I’d finally cook up those “Bubba burgers” that never got cooked.

He could have watched Lydia and Tyler walk down the aisle, holding her hand as she took those brave steps. He could have been there to cheer on Joshua at his basketball game, or hang one of Julia’s beautiful pieces of art in his office. He would have enjoyed long conversations with Steve, discussing the latest Silicone Valley innovations and SaaS companies. Maybe, just maybe, he would have put together one of his ideas…

Maybe, just maybe…with the talents that his children picked up as they grew older, there might be enough skills and diversity on the table to take one of these ideas to market and build it into a company. Maybe it would be a huge success – or it could be a huge failure that would force us to buckle down and tie up our bootstraps.

Maybe it would be in Fast Company…maybe it would be going nowhere fast.

Mom would have roses on her birthday and an uninterrupted date night, or trip out of town for a ‘staycation’ after one of the SLAM kids booked them an anniversary trip for “I Love You Day”.

How was Mexico, Dad?

What do you think about the new Vette’, Dad?

Are you getting Google Glass?

Android Verus iOs debates.

Late night shopping trips. I still say “I’m just looking for something to find.” when asked by store associates if I need help, Dad.

I used to say “See you soon, Superman.” and now I don’t know if that’s the case, because I have no idea what happens after we die.

All I know is that three men are buried in the ground. One who I desperately wish I could have gotten to know better and hear of his adventures. The other will never see his children grow up. And the third, 5+ Cadillacs later, couldn’t take any of those goddamn cars with him.

And all that money that could have been used to set up college funds, retirement plans, and healthcare for our family, is lost in the walls of a building built at over four (4) times the cost of what it should have been because nobody checked over the shoulder of a contractor who succeeded in building the strongest building in central Ohio.

Featured Image From Deviantart “Delusion”

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