Are Free

“Have you hugged your grandparents, today?” was one of the opening quotes in a chapter of The Empty Hourglass, the book Opa wrote about his life. In a book filled with wild adventures consisting of war stories, encounters with wild animals, treacherous undercover operations, immigration to America, and the experiences he encountered as an orphan, one thing stood out to me. His one regret.

His one regret was that he didn’t developer a stronger connection and relationship within the Plaat family.

Growing older and being discerning enough to recognize hairline cracks within the foundations of family relationships, I am renewing my drive to keep a strong family connection alive between myself and those in our immediate and semi-immediate family.

“Try not to be a man of success but rather a man of value.”

A recent moment occurred where I chastised my younger brother for not being respectful of time during our frequent video chats; asking him to avoid multitasking – something I’ve been frequently guilty of doing. I stated the fact that I have paying clients who pay for my time and asked him to be respectful of it.

I immediately regretted my words. 

While the idea behind respecting time is important, my message delivery was not. I immediately called back and explained myself better, along with a heartfelt apology and a reminder that family comes first – and always will.

The next time we talked, I don’t think I’ve ever seen him smile more.

Another recent conversation occurred between myself and my mother, addressing the religious issues that stood between us. Gasoline has never put out fires, while building new bridges helps to connect gaps between differences.

Religion is a very hot topic that has separated countless families, friends, and lovers. I’ve seen this happen, firsthand, in my own life and of those close to me. It breaks my heart in more ways than one.

Perhaps I cannot see eye-to-eye with particular individuals when it comes to religion, but I can assure you that when it comes to values we will see eye-to-eye and be in perfect agreement.

Love. Sacrifice. Kindness. Faithfulness. Morality. Patience. Generosity. Self-control. Joy. Goodness. Appreciation. Gratitude. Giving.

These values in my life have never stopped being important to me, nor of my pursuit of strengthening each of them.

To be honest, I probably try more to show these values in my life because in the religious world, failure to meet them is simply written off as being a ‘fallen sinner trying to be better – whereas in the real world, failure to show the values just paints you as an asshole. I semi-kid.

Perhaps my motivations for displaying the above values is also different, as they are internally-fueled as a desire to be a better human being to myself and others, rather than because I was ‘commanded’ to do so because of a book.

Somebody once told me that the reason they open their home to me when I visit is because the bible tells them to do so, not because I am a loved one.

Ouch.

That hurts no matter who you are – to hear that you are the recipient of a religious obligation rather than because somebody sincerely loves you.

When I open my home to others, or give something away, or spend time, or XYZ (fill in the blank) it comes from sincerity in the heart, not in religious obligation.

Now, you need to understand that I write the above words not from anger or in attempt to strike a nerve. I’m writing about this topic because I sincerely desire a strong family relationship in the Plaat family – one that can last the test of time and span the difference of opinion, belief, and location.

We are family first. And always will be. Surface level differences should not conflict or interfere with our desire to grow stronger, develop each other, and have a loving relationship that is free from the arguments, fights, and communication ‘blackouts’ between siblings, brothers, sisters, nieces, and nephews.

It takes a commitment, founded in love, to make this happen.

Count me in.