51.1%

51.5%

Before putting Atlas to bed this evening, he and I had our usual ‘wrestle time’ where we restled on the bed and had an epic pillow fight. Once the dust settled from our miniature battle, I tucked him in and sat on the edge of the bed, telling him stories about the time I had with my Dad.

“Did your Dad wrestle with you?” he asked.

I told him about some of my favorite memories with my Dad, including “Pooh Bear Wrestling” where my Dad took a giant-sized Winnie the Pooh stuffed animal and used it to wrestle with me. Even now, I remember how much I loved Pooh Bear Wrestling nights…

“Did your Dad cuddle you?” he asked.

I had to rack my memory on this one, before explaining to Atlas that my Dad had six kids, and 1-1 cuddle time wasn’t something I had a lot of, though I remember countless bear hugs.

After Atlas fell asleep, I decided to ask ChatGPT a question that I was somewhat afraid to find the answer to.

“I was born on 9/29/1987 and my Dad died on 7/29/2007. What percentage of my life have I lived with and without him?”

Today marks the 49.9% mark of being alive without my Dad, which means 51.1% of my life – thus far – was spent having him alive.

That’s a really sobering thought. Really, really sobering.

So much of our lives gets taken for granted because we seem to forget that all of us have a time to go, as well as the people that we love. Often, we never really stop to appreciate the people (or pets) in our lives until they’re gone.

Rocky is about 8 years-old. How much more would I appreciate that yappy little dog if I knew how many days he had left? If we’re fortunate, he’s at the halfway point of his life, while our Kenyan sand boa still has another 25 years…

Men and women both have their ways of masking who they truly are and what’s going on inside of them. Both parties seem to hide behind large masks of masculinity/femininity without ever really articulating how they feel as human beings.

It’s a lot more common to see a man put on an outward appearance of being tough and invincible, than for a man to admin that he still cries because he’s hurting.

51.1%. More time with my Dad than without. That scale will change on the 29th of May next year, and it’s a milestone that I feel more conscious of as time goes by.

Life goes by quickly. In many cases, our days seem to fly by in the blink of an eye due to busyness (perceived or actual), day-to-day stressess and struggles – and the perpetual demand on our time, money, attention and care.

“My Dad was a good man, Atlas. He wasn’t perfect – but he was a good man.”

“Why wasn’t he perfect?”

“Because nobody is, Atlas.”

“I think you’re a good Dad, Dad.”