Timed Out

Escaping reality. The idea of stepping away from reality seems as if it’s stupid or far off from being a regular occurrence. History disproves this assumption, as movie sales stay strong during times of economic crisis; we live in a society that’s willing to pay 10 bucks to momentarily forget the life they left behind at the theater door.

Dim the lights.

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about where life is taking me. Realizing that life will not take me anywhere if I do not first make myself movable and willing to put one foot in front of the other has been one of the best unpleasant wake up calls I’ve ever experienced. I used to think that time would simply bring forth great things and better circumstances. I quickly discovered that time is a device that will never overcome inaction or lethargy.

For nothing can be sole or whole that has not first been rent.

I recently finished a book that I’ve been poring over. Iron John: A Book About Men, written by Robert Bly. In the book, Bly speaks of the inner wound every man has been given at some point in his life. In mythological tales, the proverbial wound was displayed as a physical wound, oftentimes given by a wild boar to the mans thigh. I do not find it coincidental that my great grandfather carried a deep gash on his thigh from a charging wild boar he killed in Indonesia.

My wound. Surface level would make the assumption that the passing of my father in 2007 would be the wound that I carry. However, I’ve discovered this is not the case. The wound had been dealt much earlier in life. And I’ve been struggling my entire life to correct the gash its inflicted.

The heart cannot accept what the mind rejects.

In many ways, I’m learning to step into the shoes that I’ll fill for the rest of my life. I no longer believe I’m a victim of circumstance. Rather, I have the opportunity to become a victor by choice. It’s very easy to point fingers and blame anything and everything for why you aren’t happy about your life. However, it takes real courage to pick up the hammer and chisel and begin to cut away at the stone block representing your life.

“You think you’re tough?” “Actually, I am tough.”

There’s a large gap in my life that I long to be filled by wisdom and advice from those who have tread the path of life longer than I have. Nothing will ever grow a young man into a seasoned man like an older man who takes interest, time, personal commitment and effort to pour into the life of the younger man. In this sense, I miss having strong mentors who were willing to take time away from their daily life, job, family, and vacation time by investing into my life.

“You’re a remarkable young man” a client recently told me. There is a part of me that wishes others, capable of helping me reach my full potential, would see my value as this client did. There’s a lot more to every body than one might think. And I find no more identity in my web development skills than I do at foraging acorns for the winter.

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