Thanksgiving

“We should be thankful every day of the year, and have one day to complain” – Pastor Sam Farina

For a while, I debated on writing out a list of my complaints for the year. Yet, I struggled to find anything that I can complain about, which is something to be extremely thankful for.

Earlier this week, I was exploring the topic of emotional sovereignty, and I realized a few things about emotions and they way I feel/express them; for most of my 20’s, I navigated through emotions as if they were a minefield – stepping on one only to be blown to bits by it. As I’ve gotten older, I now understand the importance of identifying, dismantling and allowing for controlled demolition of these ‘mines’ as they come up in my life.

Yesterday as I was cleaning (a controlled demolition tactic) I had a large breakthrough about my joy; nobody can steal it, no circumstance can erode it and no life event can overpower it. While expression of joy can sometimes be a challege for me – I’m always conscious that I have it.

As you get older, you either grow up and figure out your emotions, or you continue to walk down the minefield and be blown to bits by them – or resort to lobbing emotions that are yours to dismante, at others – like hand grenades.

It took me a little while to accept the time away from Atlas while he’s with ‘the other party’. I’d go into a tired, depressive funk during the time he wasn’t with me. Yet, time healed that wound and my life circumstances certainly contributed to helping me find beauty outside of our time together.

Time with Atlas is a disciplined art form. We manage to have fun, keep the house clean, cook healthy meals, read, practice writing and care for his growing number of pets between our out-of-the-house Dadventures. For a while, I felt like I was only able to really enjoy my time/fun when we were together; something that quickly changed as I recognized there are a lot of things I can’t (or shouldn’t) do while he’s with me. Shaking the walls of the house with my guitar amp, for example…

There have been a lot of heathy transitions I’ve made over the past few years, and one of them was finding the perfect balance in how I spend my time when he’s not with me. While it can sometimes feel overwhelming, I’ve developed a great sense of pride and accomplishment in managing my business, social life, relationship with God and self-care that doesn’t leave me drained when I pick him up.

Instead of giving him ‘what’s left’, I give him what I’ve prepared in his absence. That’s the difference between a good Dad and a bad parent – something he’s old enough to now recognize and appreciate.

This morning, I took the 944 out for a country drive – to nowhere. Since the car still doesn’t have ‘the stereo’ yet, I threw a large bluetooth speaker in the back and played some of my Dad’s favorite tunes, while reflecting on the journey it’s taken to get to this point in life. I remember driving with my Dad and watching him expertly shift the gears in the car(s) he drove. Now it’s me shifting the gears – not nearly the expert he was, but getting better with each drive…

There’s a beautiful thing about taking a drive to nowhere, with no GPS or navigation to direct you. It feels a bit like riding a horse in the wilderness. Instead of feeling lost, there’s joy in knowing that there’s no ‘right’ way to go, because there’s no end point other than back home when the ride is over.

Before delivering the car, Nate urged me to take it slow and break in the engine – as it’s practically brand new, with only 70,000 miles on it. The country roads were the perfect way to do it, while providing the thrill of taking tight corners with the 944’s 50/50 weight distribution. Boy, can she corner…

I spent most of the drive with a silly grin on my face, clocking the miles as I counted my blessings; I’m 38 years-old, run a successful business, dutifully care for the responsibilities in my life and have created a perfect home environment for both myself, Atlas – and a future wife.

This year, there’s an endless amount of things to give thanks for. The one word that sums it all up?

Dayenu.