Our Charade


“Lord, how great is our dilemma! In Thy Presence silence best becomes us, but love inflames our hearts and constrains us to speak.
Were we to hold our peace the stones would cry out; yet if we speak, what shall we say? Teach us to know that we cannot know, for the things of God knoweth no man, but the Spirit of God. Let faith support us where reason fails, and we shall think because we believe, not in order that we may believe.” – A.W. Tozer – Knowledge Of The Holy, Chapter 2: God: Incomprehensible

The above text made quite the impact on me as I read it. Truth be told, there are a lot of things going through my mind lately. I’ve continually searched for some semblance of peace, only to be found lacking. I’ve attempted to gain new levels of work/income, only to find it hollow and unrewarding. I’ve attempted to develop my own pattern/lifestyle, in hopes of finding a restful place, only to find a more secluded version of my own discontentment. Weeks of thought, crammed into a few short sentences, this is what our generation has become. On my tombstone, I ought to have “Click Here For More Information” rather than anything significant. Don’t forget, lilacs for flowers. Their smell gets stronger as the sun goes down.

On a somewhat lighter note, I’ve been doing a bit of thinking about where my life is at. Actually, that’s not much of a lighter note, though I certainly have very little to complain about; life is great, for all intensive purposes. Aside from a lack of transportation, I have very few complaints. I’m planning an East Coast adventure for the first week or so of July. Upon a recent return from Texas, I was greeted by a counter full of packages. It felt like Christmas in June. Few things put a smile on my face like new things coming in the mail.

Recently, I’ve taken some pretty low blows to my character, lifestyle, and spiritual explorations. Fortunately, I’ve been blessed with a mind that’s capable of seeing these things in a logical sort of way; mentally severing connections with those who’ve dealt the blows, rather than create channels of anger towards them. However, it’s a bit frustrating when you hope for the best in a person, and are met with quite the opposite. This is not directed at anybody in particular, mind you. More or less, it’s a pattern that I’m learning I’ve been blessed to encounter at many stages of my life.

The greatest opportunities are often wrecked by individuals of the most decrepit character. Terrible things tend to follow these people after they’ve done their damage; one individual went through bankruptcy/divorce, another nearly dodged homelessness but began losing teeth (diabetes gone wrong) and lost his live-in girlfriend, another had a son become seriously ill, and the last person to have taken advantage of me is currently sitting in jail. I feel bad for them; they missed their opportunities to do the right thing. Each of these individuals cheated me out of money, but that’s not what I’m most upset about. Rather, I’m upset at what I didn’t gain – that I had hoped to – from these individuals; a crack at success, strong mentorship, a father/son relationship, entrepreneurial strengths, or even close friendship. It’s never been about the money.

As I’ve grown older, I’ve realized life isn’t about the money. In fact, I don’t want my life to be about the money, but the accomplishment of my goals, which are a direct extension of who I am as a person. Thus far, I would say that I’m on track to accomplishing them. However, my goals have vastly changed from ones of years past. In short, they’ve changed from external perception to a higher focus on internal depth/ability. Truth be told, I could care less what others think about me. This blog isn’t for others. My work isn’t for others. Even my giving and help to others is not about others. My life has been given to me for careful stewardship by my Heavenly Father, and that is the standard of which I hold any given accomplishment or achievement.

Recently, I’ve found the most satisfaction from lending to 3rd world entrepreneurs through Kiva.org. I’ll go ahead and be a shameless advertisement for Kiva. Interest-free loans are given to others in 3rd world countries who are trying to better their lives through entrepreneruship and small business ownership. Personally, I think it’s incredible to be a part of somebody’s dream of a better life, even if it’s only by lending $25 at a time. This year, my goal is to make one of these loans every single day. I’d suggest you do the same. https://www.kiva.org/lender/aaronplaat

Crap in – Crap out. Just like a poor diet yields a fat belly, poor influences/people yield a poor life. In this respect, life’s asking that I turn inward for the next few weeks/months to discover the core values, beliefs, and goals of my life.

I had a dream last night where I achieved a specific goal. In that moment, I was able to soak in the full feeling of the accomplishment that came with it. I woke up determined to pick up the pieces of identify how I’m going to achieve this goal, tighten up my life, and take steps towards becoming the man I want to be.

Time to get busy.

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