Ticking

There’s something to be said about being genuine. Actually, there’s something much greater to be said about the ability to appear genuine. It seems like we prefer fake things that look like the original version more than the original version. Honestly – which, in and of itself implies that the rest of this conversation will have been dishonest – I think there’s a huge problem with myself and everything else in this world. The perception of being the real deal is something so many people – including myself – strive for that it dilutes what it means to actually be the real deal. Genuine. Real. Not fake. Double Negative. Single Positive. Loopy words to subtract from a single answer. Truth. The truth.

It’s always interesting to sit across the table with an individual who very closely resembles oneself from several years earlier. This happens quite a bit to me when I encounter a fast-talking, young, ambitious, and incredibly ignorant individual who thinks they have the world by the horns. This was me. Had I been able to sit down with myself several years ago, I would have shoved all of those ideas of grandiose up my proverbial…well, you know…and told myself to wake up into reality. There is nothing wrong with dreaming big. However, you have to get out of bed, son!

What complicates my life most is that I do not want to be another impostor or wannabe in a world so full of fakes. However, that fact alone does not entitle me to attain the goals that are in my sights. Until there is a moment where things in life turn around, I am just another face in the crowd; another strand of DNA. Another person taking up oxygen.

Believe it or not, this is not a depressing post. Let me clarify.

See, this world is so full of facades, duvets, and artificial breasts; things we spent good time and money perfecting so they look genuine – or better than genuine – without really paying attention to the things that matter. And here is the meat and potatoes of this post —

When we view ourselves in the eyes of those around us in this very worldly world, we are nothing more than another strand of DNA that is screaming out for attention and for others to notice and comment on our existence. When we hold ourselves up to the standards of perfection that is held so commonly by this world; the value and worth that is determined by the number in our bank account, the number of cars we have, and the number of people we’ve slept with, then we can only judge ourselves according to these superficial standards. Does this make sense?

If you are going to view yourself with the lens of the goal you are working towards, your results will be very similar to the measure you are holding yourself up to.

At this point in life and according to worldly measures, I am a miserable failure that is nothing more than a wannabe in a very fake world. Will this change? I certainly hope so.

However – oh how I love the mighty “however…” – these restrictive standards are not the measure I hold myself up to when looking in the mirror. Others may see what they want to see. But I know that in the eyes of my Heavenly Father, He sees great potential and a future heir to the kingdom. It is with great delight that I am able to step into the focus of Him rather than the yardstick I have built to measure my earthly success with.

There’s a comfort in knowing that the measure of our true success is not one that has been built on this earth.

Scattered thoughts. Disorganized blog. That’s what you get.

This is normally where I would end. But I’ll continue and share a few things that are on my heart and mind.

It’s a new start for me. Time to eliminate all of the fancy words, misleading conclusions, and embedded in the above writing. This is where I’m at. This is where you are. We are here. Fresh start.

It’s not about our past that matters. While it is a great source of experience, we are not in our past. We are here. This is where I’m at.

Starting fresh by living on campus and returning to school. Here’s to another challenge. Here’s to enjoying the life and experiences that are sure to come in the next few months. Here’s to some moments of inescapable laughter. Here’s to a period of time where I do not have to live up to a higher expectation than the bar set for myself.

I certainly like being perceived as much older, wiser, etc. than I am. However, there’s a part of me that wants to enjoy the present and not hold myself to standards that are not meant for me to meet at this point in life.

The clock is ticking.