“I don’t keep count. Only when it begins to hurt do I start, because those are the ones that really count.”

Wake up, Plaat.

At this moment, life feels as if I’ve walked into an empty room and realize many of the doors and halls I’ve taken up to this point have not been the right ones. The door slams shut and I realize this room is not where I want to be. While there are moments where I would love to beat my fists against the walls and create a way out, I’ve realized it is not yet time to do so.

24. So many things I had hoped to accomplish by this point in my life. I think of all the mistakes that have been made (some of them have names) and what it is that I’ve done to reach this place. In past times, I’ve had the opportunity to blame others for my own misfortunes or poor circumstances. In these times, I look around and see my own reflection on every wall.

Rather than be distressed there are no fingers to point. I’m doing my best to realize and fully soak in that this moment; an ecclesia moment, where the time is right. This is when it is time to pick up the pieces of this life I’ve been given and finally make something of it.

Reading through my grandfather’s book, he wrote “The grandson tries to remember what the father tried to forget.” And he wrote of the times in his life where he once dreamed of moving mountains, while resigning himself to accepting that it was not possible as he got older, apologizing if his voice every gave way to a hint of bitterness and internal anger.

“You’ll start happening too!” writes Dr. Seuss.

I’m staring at a lot of opportunities that are dying to be developed and turned into successful ventures. And the one person who is getting in the way is the one person who is hardest to beat; self.

I pray this is the year where I can look back and know, without a shadow of doubt, that this was the time in my life where I turned my life around for the better.

This war will be fought alone.

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