Motzi shem ra

Does the suit wear the man, or does the man wear the suit? I’ve always been a big fan of this statement, as it’s reflective of many elements of our society that cannot be duplicated simply by appearance. Posture does not provide the strong look of a confident individual. A sharply-tied knot does not create a gentleman. Even the classiest of evening dresses cannot cloak the glassy eyes of a loose woman. Love, in all of its seemingly-infinite possibilities, cannot be put to use if one does not possess it.

There are a lot of things going on in my little world right now. This week has been a stressor, though I’ve been incredibly productive with my work. In addition, I’ve been able to take positive steps forward across the boards of life. All of this means very little to me when I know there is tension and discord amongst those I love most. A recent video blog of mine sparked a very cruel conversation between myself and a loved one. Though it probably does not need to be said, the cruelty was one-sided in its origin, with me as the recipient. Where did this come from? Has there always been a low-lying level of bitterness and anger? I guess this is how families get torn apart; an idea I once thought to be alien in its impossibility.

With my recent move here to LA, I’ve been thrown yet another curveball; Steven moved out! My brother and I were living together in an apartment, which quickly ended after he decided to move to San Francisco on a whim. I’m very, very happy for him. However, there’s a nagging feeling in my gut that’s beginning to understand that I’m truly alone here in Los Angeles. I’ve been fortunate enough to meet quality people here. However, I’ve always drawn strength from my family having close proximity. Perhaps it is now time to develop my own strength, rather than draw from an outside source. The toddler begins to walk.

It’s weird, living in a situation that’s somewhat foreign to me. Distanced from those I love, including my 3-Series, I’m learning a new form of survival in this very large city. For the first time in awhile, I’m beginning to understand the connection I share with my grandfather, as he, too, conquered new places with little more than the clothes on his back.

Fortunately, there’s a welcome break from LA next week by going down to Dallas, TX, to visit a friend and help him develop the first leg of his company. It’s a great opportunity to travel and spend several days in intense periods of work. It’s also good to take a flight for business purposes and finally start branching to multiple locations with my work.

My younger brother, Joshua, has a birthday coming up in a few days. I’m trying to figure out the appropriate message to tell him as he continues his steps towards adulthood.

G-d, please restore the love in our family. That’s all I ask.

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