There are a lot of events in my life, as well as people, that have played a pivotal role in reshaping my character, grit and spirit. No event in my life has had more of an impact than becoming a Dad.
If you’ve ever ridden a unicycle, you’ll know how easy it is to turn the pedals to begin moving. It’s almost effortless. On a unicycle, you can do a 180 with very little effort, as well as stop on a dime. Why? Because there’s a 1:1 correlation of your movement with each motion your feet make.
Riding a unicycle is a lot like life before having children. You can stop and go easily, as well as turn completely around with a simple twist of your hip.
Becoming a parent is a lot more like transitioning to a 18-speed bicycle. An 18-speed bicycle can carry you much further than a unicycle, despite its lack of turn-on-a-dime agility. In a lot of ways, the 18-speed is reflective of the years and seasons a child goes through. You make it from 1-6 before switching the second gear lever, which takes you from 7-12 – and then 13-18. At that point, the bike is practically riding itself and you’re flying so fast it’s difficult to stop.
Last year, I had a visit from my little brother. Then 3, Atlas was still in the phase of having nights where it was difficult for him to fall asleep – which was incredibly difficult for me after a marathon-day of parenting. I’d practically pray for him to fall asleep because I was utterly beat up from the day. One of those nights happened in the middle of my brother’s visit.
Every minute felt like a week before Atlas fell asleep. I felt like I needed to cry, scream and fall asleep myself at the same time. However, I maintained my patience, calm and composure as I coaxed him to sleep.
After he had fallen asleep, I carried myself out to the living room; beyond exhausted and drained of my energy. My brother saw the look on my face and asked:
“You alright?”
That’s when something hit me. An analogy for emotional regulation that seemed appropriate, which I shared with my brother.
“…my mind feels like a shotglass of pure alcohol, lit on fire. Despite feeling like screaming” I explained “in these moments, all you can do is take that glass of burning fire and empty it on the ground. Just because you feel like crying and breaking down, doesn’t mean it will help the situation. Thus, you surrender the emotions and let them pass.”
As I explained this to my little brother, I poured an imaginary shot glass onto the floor and went to join him on the couch to enjoy the fire burning in the fireplace.
Tonight, as I was lighting a fire for Atlas and I to enjoy together, he pointed at the fire and said:
“God is speaking to us, like the fire.”
“Atlas, God is like a fire, did you know that?”
“How?”
I quickly switched on “Consuming Fire” by Third Day – Consuming Fire – and explained to Atlas how God refines all of us, like gold.
“Do you know how gold gets purified?” I asked. “It gets put through the fire, and all of the dirty parts of it get burned out. That’s a lot like how God works in us.”
Styrofoam plates sure are clean, but they can’t be put into a dishwasher – and will never be appropriate to use in fine dining. In similar fashion, I think that there’s a beautiful thing about the purification process that many of us go through in our lives when we allow God to burn off the parts of us that no longer serve Him…and ultimately, ourselves.
I think that’s a great analogy for the human soul, as well. In life, there are a lot of single-serving people that only encounter this reality once. Yet, God tends to use other souls in a persistent rebirth/renewal process, because He’s able to use those souls for a fine meal – as well as over and over again.
There will be another blog related to reincarnation…this isn’t it.
As I grow older, I have a new apprecation for salvation, forgiveness and the beauty of starting over. The more times I receive grace and forgiveness, the more I realize how little of a right I have to hold things against others – or to try and seek ‘justice’ against them for their actions.
This afternoon, I took Atlas to a shop in the area that specializes in parrots. Yes, parrots. It’s a shop full of exotic parrots. One of their employees tirelessly works to keep the shop clean and loves the birds as if they were his children.
The first time I encountered him, I couldn’t help but notice the abundance of tattoos on his arms – as well as the tell-tale sign that he had spent years in prison; a spiderweb tattoo on one of his elbows, with each ring of the web commonly representing a year served.
As bold as his tattoos were, I also couldn’t help but notice the passion, joy and energy he carried as he cared for the birds, attended to each customer and went above and beyond to find the right birds for Atlas to hold. Ever since that first encounter, I’ve marveled at the the drastic transformation this man seems to have taken.
Just like the birds, this man knows what it means to be put into a cage. Unlike the birds, he’s probably encountered unspeakable things behind those bars and is forever grateful to be free of them.
“Tomorrow will be the most beautiful day of Raymond K. Hessel’s life. His breakfast will taste better than any meal you and I have ever tasted” – Tyler Durden, Fight Club
This afternoon, he let us hold the most exclusive bird in the entire shop – commanding a whopping $7,500 price tag. Only seven months old, this parrot was practically a baby. As he took the bird from its perch, he explained the special thing about this breed of parrots was the affection they showed.
No sooner had he spoken, the bird leapt onto his chest and cradled its wings around him – appearing to give him a hug as he gently stroked the birds back.
It’s difficult for me to describe the beauty I saw in that moment. There was a man who would be rejected, judged and cast away from most people in society (certainly in Flower Mound, TX) because of the years he served in prison. Yet, the parrot didn’t see the years behind bars and chains – it simply saw a man who loved it like his own.
In a lot of ways, I feel as if I am that man. I’ve spent years of my life behind proverbial bars of sin, pain and poor choices. However, every day I have a new opportunity to find redemption, grace and love through both my heavenly Father, as well as Atlas.
Amen.
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