Break Point

“The mind is its own place, and in itself, can make a Heaven out of Hell, a Hell of Heaven.”

When I first read that quote, it stuck out to me because I immediately thought of numerous encounters where it proved itself to be true/applicable. Looking back at the period of time I was in New York City, it could have easily been a period of time where stress and uncertainty could have overtaken – rather than simply burdened – me and clouded my mindset. During these times, I think back to what it was that kept my head screwed on properly. And that was reading the book “Knowledge of The Holy” by A.W. Tozer. It’s hard to stress or worry about life when you are reading about the Creator of the universe, and opportunity we are freely given to have a direct relationship with our Heavenly Father.

This is what I didn’t do being here in Los Angeles, focusing on The Creator during stressful times. Instead, I looked at the present circumstances and was overtaken by their appearance of imminent doom. The child falls, once again.

“What comes to mind when a man thinks about G-d is the most important element of his life” according to Tozer. Ponder this question. Don’t just read it; read through the lines and see the spine behind the words. It’s true.

I’ve been reading the blogs I wrote prior to coming to LA, and I was determined to tackle situations that would make me tremble at the knees. Fortunately, I was granted this request and I feel a better time of stability is in the near future. I wrote of chasing adventure and this, too, was granted; the past few days have been the craziest two days of my life. I can’t even begin to go into detail. Literally.

There are two things I’m learning right now: 1.) Chaos Attraction and 2.) Chaos Management

1.) Chaos Attraction
Initially, I moved away from Ohio in order to find some semblance of peace/tranquility. I thought the issues I tended to find in Ohio would be left behind. Instead, I’ve realized that I am a fairly chaotic individual who attracts others of similar nature. In fact, I’ve also realized that normalcy and regularity would probably drive me nuts, were I to stumble into a lifestyle that was closely regulated, carefully planned, and highly moderated. That’s about as close to Hell as I ever want to get.

My older sister, Lydia, lives a very meticulous lifestyle. Her and her husband, Tyler, are some of the most organized, intelligent, and happy individuals I know. They carefully plan, direct, and live their lives in a manner that makes them very happy. We used to clash at our difference of styles. However, I’ve learned that our opposing styles does not make one of us better or worse, but that each of us are happy in our own elements. They prefer order – I tend to prefer disorder.

The walkaway point for both of us has been to accept and love each other for who we are, how we live our lives, and being happy that each of us is able to make a lifestyle out of the preferred method of living operation. We’ve both worked very hard to create this lifestyle for ourselves and are now learning to reap the benefits of this hard work.

That being said, I tend to attract those in similar circumstances as myself; those who enjoy the uncertain universe, and finding opportunity within this chaos and turning it into a diamond. Uncertainty doesn’t mean that you have to wreck any semblance of order. Rather, thriving on chaos means you are able to take this jumbled mess of energy and turn it into something that works for you. Some people were born to ride Shetland ponies, others were meant to tame Wild Stallions. I prefer to find the horses that are foaming at the mouth. I’ve been thrown very many times. But it’s only a matter of time before I find one and turn it into a champion. This delves into my second point: 2.) Chaos Management

We are responsible for what we do with our lives, no matter what circumstances we are given. That’s a hard pill to swallow for most people, as they prefer to be a victim of their circumstance, rather than a victor over their circumstances. There are two kinds of people in this world; those that are defined by their circumstances, and those that define their circumstances. What do you want to be?

This all boils down to the mind. How do you see your circumstances? Earlier this week, I reached a breaking point where I finally reacted to the stress levels that were present. That peak moment was all that was needed to finally turn the tables around, as things have settled tremendously since that point. Honestly, I am saddened that I wasn’t able to last longer in this element of stress.

“Aaron, we have peaks and valleys. You can’t just have the peaks.” were words told by my older brother, Steve. This idea is something I’m very familiar with. In fact, when I am in the valleys – though miserable – I secretly pray that I may reach new levels of frustration, doubt, uncertainty, and stress, so that I may soar higher than I have before in the peaks. It’s the idea of praying for a stronger back, rather than a lighter load.

When I moved here, I prayed that I would immediately find and test the mettle of character that I am. Either I will withstand the pressure and find out what kind of individual I am, or I will be overtaken by it and be unable to stand tall. Let’s see how this goes…

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