Barbell

“A wise person builds up their home with their hands. A foolish person tears it down with their mouth.”

For the last five years, I’ve lived under the label of ‘single Dad’ while also playing a difficult balancing act of raising a child, running a business, financially supporting two homes, maintaining relationships with family/friends and pursuing my own hobbbies and interests in the in-between. Admittedly, it’s been a very difficult task to keep it all balanced and avoid breaking any plates (while also thankful I’m no longer ducking from thrown ones).

I’m a firm believer that every chapter in our life is meant to teach us a lesson, with the entirety of our life serving to teach us a grand(er) lesson, just as multiple chapters compose great novels.

If I had to sum up the ‘theme’ of my life, it would be something like this:

“Upward. Onward. Forward.”

There was once a chapter in my life where I was determined to lift incredibly heavy weights at the gym. At that time, I sported 19.5in. arms, weighed over 230lb and guzzled protein shakes like my life depended on it.

Every time I stepped into the gym, it wasn’t just a workout; it was war, and I prepared myself for battle as I stretched and jumped rope to get my heart rate up. Toward the latter end of my mass journey, I had two goals I wanted to accomplish; deadlift 500lb and bench press 400lb.

When the time came to try and hit my goal of 500lb on a deadlift, I visualized myself lifting the weight long before I began my warm-up with 220lb on the barbell. As I continued to stack plates on the bar, I lowered the repetitions down to 2-3 reps, anticipating the grand finale.

With 505lb loaded onto the bar, I stepped onto the platform and summoned every dark demon of gym rage that I could call on and bent over to tighten my wrist wraps around the bar. I looked in the mirror and didn’t see a smiling face; I was downright nasty and mean as I took a deep breath and began pulling upward on the bar.

As my back straightned and the bar bent from the heavy plates, I got to the top of the rep, locked out my back and gave my workout partners a smile – blurting out:

“Light weight!”

Moments later, the bar crashed down onto the rubber pads.

Just as there can only be one person driving a car at a time, a strong household needs one person to stand at the helm and carry the weight of the household.

Today’s culture tries to break down that narrative as being unequal or unfair, while promoting the “freedom” that is given to the other half of a household when they maintain a career alongside their other half, while criticizing stay-at-home Mother’s for ‘giving up’ their potential as a salarywoman.

In the case of my deadlift PR, if I were to have held one half of the bar and given my future partner the other half of the bar, there’s something that would need to be done; the weight of the bar would have to be lowered.

I could lift 505lb. However, when ‘sharing’ the overall weight with a woman, it would be necessary to reduce the weight so that she could pick up her half. There’s only one woman I know who I wouldn’t have to lower the weight for, and our paths crossed years ago…

With five years under my belt as a single Dad, and the recent departure of my Oma still fresh in my memory and heart, I’ve decided that it’s time to pursue Love.

Just as I refused to be a frail 175lb young man, I don’t accept that there isn’t a woman out there that will love me unconditionally, uplift me with her words and love Atlas as if he is her own son, even if she isn’t his birth mother.

Just as I spent years in the gym before achieving the personal records I smashed in my late-20’s, I’ve also spent these past five years preparing myself, my home and my mind to offer the right woman and one day marry her; giving her…me. All of me.

Last night, I sat outside of my home in front of my firepit for nearly four hours. Since I got the news of Oma’s departure, it was the first time I had any true peace and quiet to mourn her loss. As the night progressed, the tears began to fall down my face and I released all of the grief, pain and loss that I felt. I cried so hard that both of my eyes looked like black eyes when I woke up in the morning. It was release.

A few weeks ago, a friend gave me some very insightful advice.

“Aaron, I’ve watched you for five years now spinning in the same loop hoping that your ‘family’ will get back together. It’s time that you mourn the loss of what you hoped for, just as you mourned the loss of your Father.”

Last night, I mourned that loss as well. Perhaps it’s why I cried so hard. Just as I released Oma, I also released the hope of somehow having a ‘together family’, and instead asked God for a healthy family and loving wife.

“God doesn’t give us what we want – He gives us what is BEST.”

Years ago, I made a ‘shortlist’ of the attributes I’m looking for in a wife, and here they are:

Qualities
She understands, values, and offers her presence
She’s a good listener – and speaks after thinking
She has strong hands – and loves to serve others
She gives a great massage – and receives mine freely
She reads – writes – and appreciates my own
She isn’t afraid to challenge me
She is fearless
She radiates love – and echoes my own.
She’s self sufficient
She appreciates travel
She makes strong eye contact
Her hugs are authentic –
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She loves to dance
He friends speak her praises before she does
She wants a family – even an unconventional one
She likes nature
She appreciates silence
She likes to explore with me
She makes recommendations – and stands by them
She views others without judgement – and treats them royally
She has a strong relationship with her family
She’s health conscious
She loves good music
She wants to create
She knows how to find me in my art – and show herself through hers
She heals when I am weak – and allows me to nurture her through her pain
She has a storm – and can handle mine
She uses her tongue to encourage, seduce, and tease.
She holds nothing back
She has a beautiful voice
She lifts me up with her words, actions, and eyes
She guards her heart, body, and mind
She understands the value of her soul
She helps others without hesitation – even to her own detriment
She can carry the weight of emotion – including that of others
She loves to dance – and knows how to
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She is a wild spirit, but knows her power
She reads, absorbs, and appreciates the notes I write her
She writes them in return
She dresses well, and has an eye on my fashion sense
She’s got GREAT HAIR
She can accept and embrace my wild – without fearing it – understanding
She doesn’t make me feel like I talk to much
She is firm, strong, and resolute when she corrects me
Her friends speak of her character
She doesn’t try to control me
She is free to be herself around me
She has passion projects – and pursues them
She knows the value of letting her hair down
She gets along well with my Mom
Vice versa
She pushes me to be better – not for her own benefit – but ours
She craves my attention – and offers hers in return
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She sees others as the universe, deserving of love, and worth her time to invest, cherish, care for, and protect.
That’s my kind of woman.

With one chapter of my life closing, I’m preparing my heart, mind and body for the next one to unfold, and trusting that God will lead me, guide me and strengthen me as I take the next steps of my life – because the best is yet to come.