It’s been about two weeks since I turned 38 years-old, and not a day has gone by where I haven’t pondered what I’d write down for my birthday blog. For a few reasons, I haven’t had the headspace to write this blog. However, the smoke has cleared, and I now feel at peace to write what’s on my heart.
Within the past few weeks, I’ve come to one harsh conclusion; I’ve spent far too much of my life biting my tongue, over-extending grace and patience to those who abuse me, and most importantly – I’ve retreated in my corner as a man. I’ve operated in this capacity for nearly a decade, and there’s one single reason I can attribute to my passivity – which I’ll share in months to come.
Recently, I had a conversation with somebody who stated “When it comes to parenting, I don’t make any judgement calls – if it works for the parent, so be it.” in more words or less.
I disagreed.
“You can’t compare fine dining to fast food any more than you can assimilate good parenting with lessor parenting and call them both equal.”
Since becoming a Dad, I’ve had to make peace with one harsh reality; I’m not here to make friends – I’m here to raise, protect and educate my son in the best way I can. His mind, body and soul is sacred and I couldn’t care less what anybody ese thinks when it comes to the way that I raise him.
While other parents are feeding their kids fast-food in the drive through and brain rot on their screens, I’m providing Atlas with experiences, training and Love that will set him apart from the pack as he grows older.
If there’s a simple theme/mantra I have for myself this year, it goes something like this:
“I’m not here to make friends.”
Life is short. Too short. At 38, I’ve comfortably made it to the halfway mark of my life – give or take a few decades – and I no longer care to waste the precious years I have left rounding out my edges, diluting my truth or tip-toeing around those who demand to be treated with everybody-gets-a-trophy mentality. Are those people losers? No.
‘Everybody is a winner in life; either you’re winning at winning – or you’re winning at losing.’
All around me, I see degradation of values, communities and most importantly – the family system. Men have been put into the doghouse, told to ‘sit this one out because you’ve had your turn’, while being tossed video game controllers, TV remotes and pornograpy – many of which lap it all up like dogs, while wondering why their children don’t respect them.
A few years ago, I got a tattoo for Atlas. On it, the tattoo artist made a masterful rendering of Atlas; determined, ripped and looking ahead at whatever may come his way, with confidence and boldness. For me, this tattoo was a rallying cry to become greater than who I was – while also setting an Example for Atlas to look up to.
It took a few years for me to get over the pain and shock of becoming a single Dad. To be wholly transparent, becoming a single Dad was a shock that took me years to overcome. It took years to get over the hard truth that not all people who make a baby want a family (Father, Mother, Child[ren] as much as they want the title of being a parent – and a child support check. Once I got over that shock and accepted the circumstances, I quickly realized it’s better to paddle your boat alone, than with somebody who actively punches holes in the bottom of your boat, while criticizing that you aren’t paddling hard enough.
Enough was enough. Enough is enough. If I had to pick a second ‘theme’ for this year – it’d be the latter. See, I didn’t have ‘enough’ with others. Rather, I had enough with myself and the rat race I’d become a slave to. Not to a job, but to my own acceptance of ‘good enough’ rather than ‘best’.
As I look back to look forward at the year ahead of me, I can only find gratitude for how far God has taken me on this journey. What’s in store? I’m not entirely sure. However, I know that I’m in His hands.
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