Sobriety

As a teenager, I found myself in a home with parents that were incredibly conservative. Part of their parenting involved restricting the types of music I was allowed to listen to. At that time, P.O.D. was hot on the scene, and I remember having drawn-out arguments with them about the faith-position of the band. Despite being a Christian band, I wasn’t allowed to listen to them; likely because they were showing up on the likes of MTV.

I didn’t respond well to that sort of censorship. At the time, I felt it wasn’t fair. As a result, I pushed back and hunted down every CD at the library that had the infamous ‘Explicit’ label. Eventually, I discovered Limewire and Kazaa – and a new chapter started in my life; one where I had instant access to whatever music I wanted.

Looking back, I don’t think that it was my intention to be rebellious or disrespect my parents; rather, I simply wanted to go left because they told me to go right.

Those file ‘sharing’ platforms gave me something I never had before; unrestricted access to any song I wanted. I dove in headfirst and sampled everything I could get my hands on. If it was listed on pluggedinonline.com ‘secular’ music, I downloaded the music and decided for myself what all of the fuss was about.

My hunt took my far and wide, from System of a Down to the screams of Linkin Park. I ate it all up like candy. One afternoon, I found a trove of videos from MTV called ‘Celebrity Deathmatch’ and I went on a rabbit-hole of CD videos. That’s when I discovered a face and sound that stuck with me to this day.

Marilyn Manson.

As soon as I heard Astonishing Panorama of the Endtimes, I felt as if there was finally somebody that understood the way I was feeling at that time.

“Boy’s 15 but he’s 16-gauge…wants to get out of his Jesus Cage…he’s already torn out the last page – it’s the latest rage”

For a young teenage Aaron Plaat, those words spoke to my soul. Indeed, I felt trapped in a church cage that I desperately wanted to get out of, for no other reason than to see what else there was in the world. Manson seemed to have the answer that I was looking for, and I gobbled up all of his music.

Over the years, I continued to listen to him, read his book(s) and study his artwork. In 1999, he was wrongly accused of inspiring the Columbine tragedy (KMDFM got off the hook) and his career took a nosedive due to the bad press he received. From what I learned, he was deeply impacted as a result of the allegations; receiving death threats, bans and censorship that wasn’t fair by any stretch of the means.

In 2006, Manson released Eat Me, Drink Me – an album that gave a look inside of his hurts and pain, propagated by a devastating breakup between a famous actress. It was the first time the world really got a look behind the curtain of the ‘Antichrist Superstar’ and saw a broken young man trying to hold it together behind the mascara and lipstick – captured beautifully in ‘Just a Car Crash Away’ a tortured anthem about hearbreak.

His heart-baring music continued in 2008, when he released The High End of Low, with another tragic anthem that showed another crack in the armor of his Antichrist Superstar image; captured perfectly in Running to the Edge of the World.

With each new release, Manson seemed to be showing the world who he was on the inside; a broken man.

In 2013, Manson toured with Alice Cooper on the ‘Masters of Madness’ tour – which was also known as the ‘Shock Therapy Tour’. At that time, Alice Cooper had the opportunity to share his faith with Manson while on the road.

In 2019, Manson released his own version of “God’s Gonna Cut You Down” first sung by Johnny Cash. If you watch the spotify video, you’ll see a different side of Manson – one that was searching for…something.

What many people don’t know is that 2019 was the final year of Manson’s career-long binge of drugs and alcohol. He had reached the end of his rope in many ways and was plummeting to the depths of rock bottom.

On January 5th this year, Manson announced that he had been sober for five years; candidly thanking all of the people who showed up to his birthday party and recognizing them as the reason he’s still here.

One of the reasons I’ve been so drawn to Manson over the years is that he and I have a lot in common; from our conservative Christian upbringing (complete with ‘Rapture’ films) to false allegations that have caused deep wounds. To me, he isn’t just a celebrity or musician; he’s a reflection of my soul that manifested itself as a musician/artist.

On September 10th of 2025, I got high for the last time. After having a decade-long dance with drugs and alcohol, I decided that it was finally time to fold my cards and punch through to sobriety. Admittedly, very few people knew the extent of my non-sobriety because I masked it so well, as well as justified my use of THC – the last ‘remnant’ from my years partying in California with other substances. The Burning Man scene is a sugar-coated world of drug addiction, pain and heartache.

During those years, barely a day went by where I didn’t have a drink in my hand by the end of the day, paired with a cigarette and a bowl of marijuana in the other. Triple threat.

Why did I start? That’s a great question. I’ll never forget the day I started getting high. That’s when everything ‘good’ in my life started to sour, and I slid down a slippery slope that was incredibly costly. I lost posessions, large sums of money, relationships and even the 50 pounds of muscle I spent a decade putting on in my 20’s.

Years went by and I found myself going from one substance to another, drowning in alcohol masked as ‘partying’ and slowly dying inside, one day at a time. I’ll never forget the way that I felt each night when I came home at 3am from the bar/club and nose-dived into my bed; feeling cold, isolated and…alone.

At the ‘peak’ of my ‘partying’ days, I was in a really dangerous place and if it weren’t for the grace of God (and Sister J) I never would have made the ‘U-Turn” to sobriety that took several years to finally culminate. She intersected me at a pivotal point in my partying career, where I was teetering very close to falling into the deep end.

I often felt a deep sense of shame and embarassment, because no matter how hard I tried to quit, I’d always find myself getting high one more time; a crash-and-burn cycle that felt far more like chasing my tail than feeling ‘high’.

But, God.

On more occasions than I can count, I found myself crying out to God during times where I needed help. I’ll never forget the night I decided to do an “Ayahuasca Ceremony” while living in California. Less than 2 hours into the ‘journey’ I quickly saw the darkness in what I was doing, and I cried out to God to save me in that moment.

“God, if you can take me as I am. I need help right now. Jesus, please get me out of this.”

In the blink-of-an-eye, I throttled back to myself – completely sober. For the uninformed, an “Aya” experience normally lasts 8-12 hours, providing the most powerful halucinations you can experience in the world of drugs/substance. It’s ‘blasting off’ in every sense of the word.

Yet, after saying the name “Jesus” I found myself back to my senses. The hallucinations vanished in an instant. I spent the next 8-10 hours watching 20+ people around me going through their ‘journey’ while vomiting and soiling themselves – and I was bored out of my mind.

It’s been 124 days since I embarked on the journey of cold-turkey sobriety, and I couldn’t be happier, more at peace, or more aware of who I am, why I’m here and the path ahead that God has for me.

Has it been a walk in the park? Far from it. More than anything, it’s been weeks of anguish, anxiety, inner torment and low-level panic attacks. However, it has been worth it. More than anything, I’ve learned that who I am is enough – and the world around me is beautiful the way it is, even with its imperfections, disappointments and tragedy.

Beyond being enough, I’ve learned one thing:

I’m more than enough.