Conduct

This week, I learned an invaluable lesson from Atlas, who made one comment that left me thinking for days.

A little over a year ago, I was playing with Atlas when I got an email from a client – who drafted a short email, letting me know they were terminating their contract with Tripleskiny.

It seemed like a surreal moment as I glanced from my phone down to Atlas’ face, looking up at me. I felt like I had to make a choice about how I would respond in that moment. It would have been wholly justifiable to respond from a position of stress and anxiety, given the contract was reasonably large. Instead, I looked down at him and told him:

“Atlas, Dad just got some difficult news. Let’s pray.”

On the spot, we held hands and thanked God for the opportunity, as well as for the future provision that would be in store for our household. Once we said ‘amen’ I explained to him what had happened.

This past week, I needed to take a few minutes to complete an urgent client request. Knowing it would only take a few minutes, I invited Atlas into my home office to sit down and watch as I worked. As I worked, I explained to him that sometimes its necessary to do something quickly for a client, that way you don’t lose them as a client.

His response?

“Oh, like that time we prayed together?”

His response rocked me. He remembered.

Children don’t remember – or even understand – your circumstances; what they remember is how you conducted yourself.

I shared the story with a friend of mine this afternoon, who told me about their house as a child.

“I always heard my parents yelling at each other, and that’s what I remember. I never remembered why they were doing it – just that they did.”

In a lot of ways, I think this touches on a hard truth about how children process things; they remember the conduct, character and response their parents have, rather than give second thought to the surrounding circumstances. Most kids don’t understand the circumstances that might cause a parent to be stressed out. However, they do understand the difference between a calm parent and one that’s reactive.

It’s worth it to show your kids patience, self-control, kindess and restraint even when your circumstances easily justify being reactive, and it’s an investment that will continue to pay dividends for the rest of your life.