I once heard a phrase that goes something like this: “Nobody ever wrote a speech while they were drowning.”
My version goes something like this: “You can’t have a conversation with somebody when you’ve got fire ants crawling up your leg and biting you.”
For the last few weeks and years, I’ve had more conversations with friends and loved ones, that have expressed deep levels of hurt, pain, concern for the world, stress, challenges in life and a perpetual battle to keep the lights on. Said simply, it seems as if the stress levels have been rising significantly across the board.
I’ve never seen a restaurant that included pictures of starving children in its marketing, or that included pictures of rotting cancer patients on its tabletop menu. Why? Because people wouldn’t be able to enjoy the meal they were eating.
While restaurants don’t include maggot-infested corpes alongside their dessert menu, it doens’t change the reality that the instances on the proverbial photos are taking place somewhere in the world.
Were I to encounter a man brutally abusing another human being at a public park, I couldn’t live with myself if I were to walk by.
In 1964, Kitty Genovese, a New York bartender, was raped and stabbed to death outside of her apartment building in Queens. A few weeks later, it was reported that nearly thirty-seven witnesses saw or heard the attack/murder, and didn’t call the police.
This incident prompted psychology textbooks to describe the ‘bystander syndrome’ – or “Genovese syndrome” for incidents where many people observe something and decide not to do anything about it.
Going back to the park, were I to walk by an incident of abuse and not do anything about it – despite being armed and fully capable of stepping in to prevent the abuse – I have no doubt that a majority of people would look at me with scorn, asking me:
“Why didn’t you do anything about it?”
“How could you eat at a restaurant when there are children in Africa that haven’t had a meal in weeks?”
There are two things that I notice in our world right now, and both are causing an intense divide amongst people.
The first is the dismissal and amnesia concerning the suffering of others. Said simply, it’s the idea that nobody else has a problem other than you, or that theirs is somehow lessor in nature.
I recently had dinner with a woman who told me two of her tooth fillings had fallen out that week. Each bite she took brought severe pain to her.
It didn’t matter how delicious the meal was (and it was – I cooked it) or how beautiful the circumstances were around us that night, her teeth were in pain and that superceded anything else that might have gone through her mind on that beautiful night.
Could I fault her for wincing in pain, rather than enjoying the meal? No. That wouldn’t have been decent or kind of me. Rather, I felt complete empathy for her during the meal, because a day prior, I had experienced similar tooth pain while I was eating something.
Oddly enough, I haven’t felt the tooth pain since.
The second thing that I notice around the world is an overarching spirit of accusation:
“Why don’t you care about X?”
“Why aren’t you rushing out of this restaurant and giving your food to the kids in Africa?”
Our lives are a lot like the restaurant. Each of us has a meal in front of us to eat, enjoy and share with others, which is reflected in the time we have each day.
Were I at a restaurant and capable of offering my hot meal to a child in Africa (or Gaza) that desperately needed it, I would offer it to them without hesitation.
If you are fortunate enough to have child(ren), you have a holy responsibility to provide for the well-being, safety and upbringing of that child.
I’m well-aware that there are millions of children around the world that have no food, shelter, clothing or even loving parents. However, that doesn’t prevent me from going out of my way to spoil Atlas with a closet full of costumes or provide superfluous food options rather than rice and beans.
In a world full of suffering and pain, the best thing you can do to leave your mark on the world – and make lasting impact – is to wholly devote yourself to the ones you love and offer your life as a ‘living sacrifice’ to better theirs, as well as remind the people you love that you are there for them; displayed by being there for them, listening to them without judgement and asking them how you can help with the resources and means you have.
If I had my way, we would live in a world where no bombs are dropped, every child fed and every broken heart mended.
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