Father Son

Sometimes you don’t know how to start a blog. Other times, you question your starting sentence too much; wondering whether or not it will make the type of impact you’d like to capture in the first .32356 seconds of attention span the audience of online users is willing to give you. Other times, you just dig in.

In Iron John: A Book About Men, Bly writes that a young man must rise to the point where he can reject and confront his father. He’s quite clear to explain this rejection isn’t a walking away, but a growing up time for the boy as he steps into the world of manhood.

I had a bit of a breakthrough on the meaning behind this concept. Last night, I had a dream involving my dad. As is the case with these dreams (I have them semi-regularly) he was in a red-hot fit of rage; more anger and rage than I had ever seen him have in reality (not a dream). In his hand was the infamous breadboard that our parents used as a paddle. As he reached to swing, I stood up and grabbed the paddle with my hands. In a swift motion, I broke the thick wooden board and shattered it to pieces.

My breakthrough came from the realization that the moments where we confront our fathers, similar to how the Dark Sith Lord of Star Wars would confront his apprentice in an epic fight to the death. In the case of our fathers, I don’t believe confrontation is an act of rebellion, but the moment that a father can truly pass on his legacy to his children and see them make improvements upon the choices he made in his life. Thus, the son needs to be capable of ‘defeating’ his father in order to carry on his legacy as a new and improved generation.

The was a surprisingly simple revelation I had that took way too long to explain.

Today, I had the opportunity to sit back and count my blessings. Two phone calls with my brothers put a smile on my face. Being able to share in the victory of another is almost as wonderful as having your own moment of glory.

Having grown up with five siblings, I was very used to moments of sibling rivalry/fighting. The noodle incident. As we’ve gotten older, we have progressed in our relationships between each other.

I can’t even describe the gratitude I have for my family. It overwhelms me.

These past few months have been a whirlwind. Last year taught me a lot about myself. Others. Love. Loss. Success. Failure. Defeat. Opportunity. Growth. I can never go back in the past. Yet the present future is looking ever-promising. I’m conscious. Conscious. Conscious of what’s going on all around me. Life is a game that can be won…if you play. It is also rewarding…beyond rewarding…and sometimes all you have to do is show up with an open heart and mind. I’m going to win. 

I’m going to win.

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