Waking up. I became so used to living a stressful life that demanded I wake up with a racing pulse and immediate urge to speed lukewarm coffee into my system. Finding a nonexistent edge I was wrong about needing. Some things take time, effort, diligence, and heart. Such is life.
My life is very different now than it used to be. I used to feel as if I didn’t have enough eyes; one eye stressing about the future, one regretfully looking at the past, and the beautiful present going silently unnoticed. Perhaps there was a sense of urgency that drove me to live the way I did; trying to escape failure…fearing it would rise up and bite me in the butt. I should have been chasing freedom and love instead of running from failure. There’s a big difference between the two.
I’ve have multiple experiences in the world of love. Often, it led me to very conflicting viewpoints. I listened to a now-unemployed childrens minister scream at an auditorium full of kids how hell-bent they were for simply being born. I used to exist in a belief system that believed it was ‘love’ to send an individual to eternal torment because they chose to believe something differently than you did. I’ve had relationships where an individual pleaded their love and affection for me, while never taking the time of day to listen to the things I said; only waiting their turn to speak. “I love you, man.” has turned into backstabbing situations where I’ve been left putting out the fires for messes created by incompetent individuals.
Love. It’s no reason very many people are in disbelief of the word. It gets thrown around like cheap food marketed as gourmet dining.
My life today resembles one I can be proud of and fight to defend and protect. It’s a beautiful thing.
Featured Image From Deviantart