Originally, I had written another blog in this space. [un]Fortunately, I decided to replace it with something else that may include more value than the thoughts I spit out. Sometimes I write simply to get something off my mind, without anything really substantial to say. It’s always better to stay on-point and be focussed on a particular topic.
One of my biggest pet peeves is when others refer to me as a boy. I adamantly disagree with their accusations of this term, for a variety of reasons. Internally, I believe I kissed goodbye the days of boyhood at a single point of my life, among others.
July 29th, 2007 – Sunday morning. Laying in bed, my cell phone rang, waking me from a deep sleep. “Aaron, I wanted to let you know that Dad finally left us this morning…” my mother said. I listened to the rest of her words, but didn’t hear any of them. As soon as the phone call was over, I went back to sleep. While many may have taken this opportunity to be an awful time to fall back asleep, I did so intentionally. Inside, I knew that this was the last moment where I would be able to sleep without knowing that my Father was dead, as it had not yet fully processed. And so I slept. When I woke up, I wasn’t the same person, because the world wasn’t the same world I had fallen asleep to the night before.
“Aaron you’re nothing more than a boy” I recently heard. Externally, I smiled and light-heartedly disagreed. Internally, I knew the truth. Boys don’t bury their fathers, regardless of how old they are. Truth be told, when others pass this judgement on me, they’ve instantaneously struck out, and I mentally auto-pilot their presence out of my life. It’s often only a matter of time before the relationship ends. This has happened several times.
See, while I am a far cry from the man I want to be, I know that I’m well on my way to becoming this person. We may not be on vacation, yet, but we are on the highway to getting there. Truth. “Boy” was the place I departed in 2007. Perhaps I’m not yet the person that I long to be. However, I’m ok with this fact, and willing to pay the price in order to fully achieve it. Things that cost us nothing are not worth a damn.
It’s often much easier to bite the tongue than it is to explain the truth to somebody. When somebody criticized the self-employed individual for not having a ‘real job’, its’ easier to smile and move away than it is to explain to the person that self employment actually involves much more work than standard employment; a fact not easily understood.
Believe it or not, this post is not about me complaining about negative/wrong assertions and criticisms of my manhood, or employment status. In fact, it’s quite the opposite; life is good.
For the first time in a very long time, life is absolutely spectacular. California continues to treat me well. I cannot complain. In fact, as I look at the pieces of my life that have been coming together, I realize that I’m quite far along the process of walking the path of becoming who I want to be, while also living the life[style] I strongly desire. There have been many moments of temporary affliction in my life. And it’s good to see that I’m finally working my way out of some of them.
The path ahead is never promised to be perfect, easy, or without heartache. In fact, I can most certainly assure you that hurt, anger, fear, and frustration are constant neighbors that will rear their ugly heads at some point in this life. However, it’s important to remember that it’s not our obligation bow our knees to these demons. Instead, we have to press through the difficulty and press forward as runners bent on winning the race.